Follow Your North Star: Define Your Core Values and Create a Life You Love
Ever found yourself at a crossroads, feeling a tad lost or making choices that leave you yearning for more? Friend, you’re not alone. I’ve been there too.
When those feelings arise, it can be helpful to just take a calm moment or two and reflect. If you’re feeling lost, or find yourself often unsure of how to make life decisions when they arise, I’m going to share an exercise that helped me immensely when I was feeling lost and stuck (again, and again…) a few years ago, and it continues to help me regularly to this day.
I wish I could remember where I stumbled upon this gem, but alas, and internet sleuthing and research didn’t help. If you know the source, please share it and I’ll give credit. 🙏 Back in fall 2016, I was feeling lost and stuck and repeating similar patterns that weren’t causing me to feel like I loved my life. That’s when I did this exercise for the first time.
livin’ a life I love these days!
Including this hack job of a haircut I gave myself in Romania. Thankfully this was almost two years ago now and my hair has grown out 😅😇
Defining Your Core Values
The guiding principles that shape who you are, what you stand for, and how you navigate through life.
Core values are the bedrock of your existence, the compass that guides you toward a life of purpose and meaning. (No pressure or anything! 😅)
These foundational beliefs are the essence that carve out your identity and mold your actions. By consciously identifying and defining your core values, you gain a powerful tool to align your actions with your true desires. Imagine living a life where every decision you make (or some, or most, or a lot - we can be realistic here) is in alignment with your values, leading to a richer life.
🦄 Important note: this isn’t a cure-all or substitute for things like therapy, exercise, self-care, etc etc etc, but it -is- a helpful tool to realign your life if you’re feeling stuck.
How fabulous would it feel to have a clear understanding of what truly matters to you - To have a set of core values that serve as a roadmap for your life's journey?
Pinpointing your core values is like flipping on a switch to live with intentionality. It empowers you to establish healthy boundaries, make meaningful connections, and pursue goals that are in alignment with your authentic self.
I circle back to my core values a couple of times a year, especially if something feels off. It's my way of course-correcting and ensuring my actions and beliefs are steering me in the direction I want to go.
just workin’ remotely from Slovenia in 2019 🤓 core value of not working for someone else anymore UNLOCKED
TAKE A MOMENT AND ASK YOURSELF:
What guiding principles shape your decisions and actions? Defining your core values requires introspection and self-awareness. It's about identifying the qualities and ideals that you hold dear, the beliefs that light your inner fire. 🔥
By articulating your core values, you create a powerful framework for living a life that is true to yourself.
In the next section, I'll walk you through the steps of identifying your core values and share snippets from my own first-time experience.
Give the exercises a whirl before peeking at my examples to avoid the 'white elephant' phenomenon. (You know, when someone says, "Don't think of a white elephant!" and that's all that pops into your head.) Life has shifted gears for me, and while there are fresh memories and admirable folks I could add, truth be told, my core values have stayed consistent, so I've kept them unchanged.
Worksheet: Defining Your Core Values
Psssst! I've whipped up a complimentary worksheet just for you - Defining My Core Values Worksheet. Feel free to grab your own copy below and dive in. It should land in your inbox in two shakes!
01. Write down 1-5 traits that make you incredibly angry when you see them in other people.
Then write down the value each of these people are violating through the behavior you’ve listed.
For example, mine were:
Narrow-mindedness: which violates open-mindedness
Vanity: which violates being humble
Myopic/Judgmental: which violates the values of understanding other people / empathy
Cruelty: which violates being kind
Injustice: which violates being just
Insensitivity: which violates being sensitive and caring
02. Write down the three things you’re proudest of yourself having accomplished in life thus far.
Then, write down which values were exemplified through those victories.
For example, mine were:
I am proud of having co-created two events that served to raise awareness and funds for social justice causes and to create community.
Values: Helping causes I believe in and creating/encouraging community
I am proud of having traveled around the world because I made the jump and followed through on the plan despite being nervous and unsure, and I learned and experienced so much.
Values: Independence and Exploration
I am proud of all the work I’ve done on myself to try to constantly improve
Values: Growth, Learning, Improvement
03. Write down what your greatest failure has been so far in life.
Reflect on what it was about this experience that made it feel like a failure and what the corresponding core value is.
For example, I wrote down:
Not honoring my physical, emotional or mental health in a constructive and consistent way
I show kindness and understanding to others but not always to myself
04. Write down three of the happiest experiences of your life so far.
Then identify what all of these experiences have in common and what the corresponding core value is.
For example, I wrote down:
Being on a boat in the middle of a lake looking at a castle on a hill in the Czech Republic with a new group of friends and feeling blissfully content (2013)
After the first Vida Vegan Con conference I co-founded and produced, knowing it was successful and meaningful to others (2010)
Arriving in Belfast Northern Ireland on my study abroad semester in college, my first time abroad, and my first time traveling solo (2001)
In all instances, I was taking on new challenges, connecting with people, and making a difference/learning.
05. Write down the names of three people who you admire and the list of traits you admire them for.
Then identify which, if any, traits all of those people share.
For example, I wrote down:
I admire Eric (note: my partner at the time, and still one of my best friends) for his ability to maintain his sense of calm and draw people back to a healthy level, for his ability to view social situations and act with precision, care and knowledge of all aspects, for his ability to be understanding and make every person feel valued, supported and understood.
I admire Barb (jpk note: old co-worker, manager, and current friend) for being a good leader, friendly, blunt, kind, smart, someone who’s kind and strong.
I admire Belinda (jpk note: executive director and boss at non-profit I worked at as events manager) for being real, a good leader, kind, able to look at things from different angles, and making the people she’s with feel special.
All these people show leadership, strong emotional core, understanding, being kind while having strong boundaries.
embracing my core values of exploration and discovery ☀️
By identifying and articulating your guiding principles, you gain clarity, purpose, and a strong foundation for making decisions that align with your authentic self.
Craving some actionionable steps? Fabulous! Here they are, just for you:
Action Items
🤔 REFLECT AND INTROSPECT: Set aside dedicated time for self-reflection. Consider the experiences, beliefs, and ideals that resonate deeply with you. Ask yourself what truly matters to you and what principles you want to prioritize.
💡 IDENTIFY YOUR CORE VALUES: Grab your Defining My Core Values Worksheet. Write down a list of values that you believe are important to you. Consider aspects like integrity, compassion, creativity, or adventure. Be honest with yourself and choose values that genuinely resonate with who you are.
💪PRIORITIZE AND REFINE: Review your list of values and prioritize them based on their significance to you. Determine which values are non-negotiable and central to your identity. Refine your list to capture the essence of your core values.
🙏LIVE YOUR VALUES: Integrate your core values into your daily life. Align your actions, decisions, and goals with your identified values. Embrace opportunities that allow you to live in alignment with your values, and be mindful of any conflicts that may arise.
Remember, defining your core values is an ongoing process. Revisit and reassess them periodically to ensure they still resonate with who you are becoming. Embrace the journey and enjoy the impact that living in alignment with your core values can have on your overall happiness and well-being.
Fun fact - it was through revisiting my core values when I was feeling adrift about my current job prospects as an event manager that I found the path I’m on now as a web designer. And let me tell you, I couldn't possibly imagine feeling more fulfilled!
Your values will serve as a compass, guiding you towards a future filled with authenticity, purpose, and joy. (And in my case, it means encountering tons of street kitties 😻 to cuddle and charming old European streets to explore.)
Hey, psst — Done with the exercise? Drop me an email and share your thoughts!
